ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Non-Jews are for practice
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
