Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
