Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize