I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
