This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
