Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I see more hoeing in ur future
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
