Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
