I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
