he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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