The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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