I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
