I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
