I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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