we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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