when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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