If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
