Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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