No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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