how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
