This is not my ceiling
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
