I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
