Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
