Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
