I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
