ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
