Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
