how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
