im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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