its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
