Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hippo gnu deer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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