false alarm. still invincible.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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