You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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