This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize