He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
