The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize