I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
