I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
