i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
