I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
