i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
