how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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