god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
