Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize