We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
MIDGETS
????
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
