If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
