she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
