A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
