it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
