On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
