I wish you could order shots online.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
