Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
