Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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