My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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