It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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