he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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