Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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