I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
