I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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