I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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