That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
