Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
