I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
