Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
