How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
