Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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